The Convict and the Rock God
by lostgurl
Summary: The title speaks basically for itself.


**A/N:** I would NEVER want this to happen (I mean, the Charlie and Claire part). Just thought it would be funny! Oh, I know, it really sucks.

**The Convict and the Rock God**

Charlie wandered aimlessly through the woods, searching for Claire. Where could she be? He wanted to talk to her. Even though it was a very stressful time for her, being pregnant and all, he felt like he should at least drop some sort of hint that he had feelings for her.

Charlie came into the clearing of the caves. Claire was sitting against a rock. Charlie noticed the empty peanut butter jar near her—wasn't that some kind of sign? Then again, he thought, she probably thinks I'm a crazy rock star, which I am. I mean, who gives someone a jar of empty peanut butter and says it's full?

Claire saw him and smiled. "Hi, Charlie." That was a good sign, right? Charlie neared her.

"Hi. How's it going?" Charlie asked nervously. Claire smiled again. "Good."

There was an awkward silence.

"Claire, can I tell you something?" He asked. He was sweating furiously, but he hoped she didn't notice…

"Sure," Claire said.

"I…umm…I…well, the thing is…I kind of…love you," Charlie examined Claire's expression as he broke the news.

"Charlie…" She began. "Charlie, you're funny, kind, responsible, bright…"

"I sense a good response coming up!" Charlie exclaimed.

"Make that _moderately_ bright. I don't love you the same way, Charlie. You're a great friend and all, but…"

Locke stepped into the woods. "Hey sweetie. How's the baby…" Locke looked over at Charlie with a glance that seemed to say to him, You're not wanted here. "Oh. You told him?"

Claire nodded. Locke sat down and planted a kiss on her cheek. "What the hell's going on here?" Charlie exploded.

"See, I'm kind of in love with Locke," Claire explained.

"LOCKE! Oh my God, Claire, he's like 30 years older than you!"

"25, actually," Locke corrected.

"Oh, EXCUSE ME, Mr. I'm So Good At Age Differences!"

"Look, Charlie, there's nothing to be upset about! See, there are two different types of love…" Locke started.

"THERE'S NOTHING TO BE UPSET ABOUT?" Charlie yelled. Some of the survivors began to gather at the scene. "I just came and told the woman I love how I feel about her, and then I find out that she's in love with some old geezer! Yea, that's DEFINITELY not something to worry about!"

"Charlie, please, it's not John's fault…" Claire said quietly.

"You know what? I risked my life for yours for NOTHING!" Charlie stomped off.

He walked to the south end of the beach, where no one was. He sat there and stared at the ocean. His life was miserable.

Someone walked over. Looking up, Charlie saw it was Kate. "Hey. You OK?" She asked quietly.

"Let's see…I'm going through a painful withdrawal from crack on some freaky, God-forsaken island, with vicious man-eating monsters and pregnant girls who fall in love with old guys. Yea, I guess I'm OK." Charlie snapped sarcastically.

Kate didn't say anything for a moment. Then she said, "Look, Charlie, if you ever need any help, I'll always be here," Kate said.

Charlie plastered a fake smile on his face. "Thanks."

"I mean, _physically_, too," Kate gave him a sexy smile.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Umm…" He didn't know what to say. He was still getting over Claire…right? Then again, it _had_ been five minutes. That was a long enough time…

"You know where to find me," Kate smiled again and walked off.

Charlie stared at her figure disappear into the woods. "That did _not_ just happen…" Charlie muttered. Did Jack or Sawyer know about this? Charlie pondered over what to do the whole night. Then, when it was in the middle of the night, he stood and went to Kate.

She was waiting for him. "So, you decided to come."  
Charlie gulped nervously. "Kate, does Jack or Sawyer know about this?"

"No, but they will soon." She grabbed his hand and led him back down to the south end of the beach where no one would bother them. Kate pushed Charlie into the sand. Slowly, she began to remove each article of clothing…

"I thought you were a convict, not a stripper," Charlie remarked. He couldn't say anything more, though, because soon she was on top of him. All Charlie could remember was he didn't get any sleep that night…

Charlie walked around the clearing, picking up debris, getting wood for the fire. He didn't know where Claire was and he didn't care.

"You're in a pretty good mood today," Jack remarked with a smile. Charlie felt a little bit guilty because Kate hadn't told Jack yet about them…

"Well, I've got to go save some more people," Jack continued. "It's getting to be such a pain; these people can't take care of themselves!" Jack wiped his sweating forehead with a muscular arm. Charlie could see what Kate saw in Jack.

Jack left the woods and headed for the beach. Charlie continued to work. Michael joined the scene. He looked pretty upset. "What's up?" Charlie asked.

"Man, you know me. I can't be a father to Walt. It's just not working, especially since he's got those freaky powers," Mike said sullenly.

"I'm sure he'll warm up to you eventually," Charlie replied. Mike just shrugged and stared at his feet.

Kate came into the woods. "Hey," She whispered to Charlie. Completely ignoring Mike, she wrapped her arms around Charlie and kissed his ear.

"Uh…guys?" Mike asked. "What's going on?"

Charlie and Kate exchanged a glance. Before they could answer, Sawyer came walking in. "Great," Charlie muttered under his breath.

Sawyer took one look at them and said, "Well, look at what we have here! The VH1-Has Been and the Convict? Who would've thunk it!" Charlie could sense some jealousy in the tone of Sawyer's voice.

"Look, Sawyer, you can't tell Jack about…"

"Tell me what?" Jack asked. He'd come back, hauling a suitcase filled with medicine. "How'd you get medicine on _this_ island?" Charlie inquired.

"Never mind," Jack said quickly. "Tell me _what_, Kate?"

"Umm…" Kate gulped.

Sawyer took over. "Hate to break it to ya, Doc, but these two are somethin' of an _item_," He grinned cockily.

"Kate, is this true?" Jack asked. Charlie felt miserable. He knew it wasn't his entire fault, because it _had_ been Kate who'd seduced him…

"Jack, it was me." Charlie gulped. Kate gave him a strange look. "Claire dumped me and I felt miserable, so I turned to Kate. Please forgive…"

Charlie was interrupted by a loud, monstrous sound. Trees crashed around them, and they looked up to see a giant, man-eating polar bear. Jack pulled out a gun from his pocket. "You carry a gun?" Charlie yelled. "I'm always ready to play hero," Jack replied.

But he didn't need to shoot, because they soon saw Locke riding on top of the polar bear. "Easy, boy!" Locke yelled at the bear.

"Locke, what the bloody hell are you doing on that thing?" Charlie yelled.

"I thought it would make a good pet!" Locke hollered back.

Mike, Kate, Charlie, Sawyer and Jack all exchanged glances. "Looks like this is a story for another time," Charlie said.


End file.
